Totally Tear-Worthy (Possibly Crack) Fanfiction
by luluhrh
Summary: Yeah. I think I'm on crack. Villainous Roy Mustang! I don't hate him, I'm just in a mood. Very sad mini EdWin moments. Character death... lots of it. Swearing, too. Rated T for all of the previously stated stuff. Really just plain old Hurt... no Comfort. Very angsty. Not for the faint of heart, peeps... but read it anyway! :D Or don't. Love ya (maybe...)! lulu


**Okay, let's get one thing straight: I do not hate Roy Mustang. I think Roy is an excellent character and an adorable father figure for Ed and Al. However, this is a crack fic that is being written while I am in a mood. In this mood, I feel like making Mustang a villain, or a hated character, or whatever. I also feel like making you all cry like little babies.**

**Gods, I can't believe I'm actually going to do this... okay. I... I'm ready.**

**Disclaimer:**** I'm already in a mood. Do not piss me off even more by reminding me of my shortcomings... Is that enough of an answer for you? If not, go back to the underlined word. That should make everything clear.**

**Now read... before I lose my nerve.**

The rumor had been going around for a while now.

"Really? They're together? But they hate each other!"

"Not to mention how old he is, when compared to him!"

"I know! But you have to admit... It's kind of hot..."

"Really? You think so too?"

Ed ground his teeth together. He'd had enough of this shit. Ever since that damn newspaper published that dumb story out of nowhere (where did they even get that kind of crap, anyway?), it was all he heard people talking about!

Mustang wasn't helping. Always acting so kind and caring in public, always smiling, turning angered comments from Ed into annoying innuendos... It was enough to drive a guy insane! All Mustang wanted was for the ladies to think of him as someone who was sweet and didn't just care about sex. In reality, he lived on the stuff. He wasn't gay, either. This was just a stunt for him to get more attention from females. Perverted old fire-breathing nagging bastard...

Ed boarded the train, grumbling to himself.

"Lover's quarrel?" someone asked sympathetically, innocent pity laced in her voice.

Ed's gaze snapped up, pinning the woman to her seat with its intensity.

"Jeez, it's like he thinks no one knows!" a man said in an undertone.

Ed growled, low and dangerous, sounding suspiciously like some wild, predatory animal. With his odd coloring, it wasn't hard to see him as a fearsome lion, ready to pounce...

The man just snorted.

Ed scowled at the man. Like he knew anything... Ed couldn't stand this. He'd managed, mostly so Al (newly restored Al) wouldn't worry.

Still, with dumbasses like this one, it was hard to avoid exploding into a fiery ball of rage and murdering everyone in the entire fucking nation who believed the dumb rumors that said he and Colonel Bastard were... *cue gag reflex, swallow back bile* ...dating.

*throw up now*

He needed to get back to Risembool. If anyone could help him through this, it was Winry.

Winry, the girl who he was ACTUALLY in love with.

Ed sat down in his seat and spoke to no one for the entire trip, a forgotten, hopeful smile on his lips.

_ #$%^&*!_

Winry wouldn't let him in.

As far as Ed could tell, she believed the rumors, too. She was heartbroken. She'd been in love with him too, apparently. It was killing her that he was with Mustang.

Pinako told Ed all of this through a note she threw down to him from the upstairs window. When Ed read it, he almost crushed it to bits. He would have used alchemy, but he didn't even have _that_ anymore...

What _did_ he have anymore? This question plagued Ed as he strolled down the dirt roads of Risembool.

Well, he had Al. That was one thing that would never change.

Pinako, too. That woman knew a dumb rumor when she heard one.

Izumi and Sig Curtis, of course. Truth forbid they ever believe a rumor they didn't see themselves.

Hawkeye still had his back, too. She thought Mustang's behavior was despicable.

Rose... Rose was still on his side. She trusted him more than she trusted newspapers.

Gracia... maybe. He didn't really see her that much anymore... and Elycia was too young to have an opinion on something like this.

Ling was on his side, of course. Lan Fan knew the truth, too. They had some sense, at least.

That was it. Everyone else believed the rumor or was dead.

Ed hung his head. How pathetic he was. How few people he had to turn to.

How could this have happened?

Ed knew the answer. It was the article about him and Mustang. It said they were sleeping together.

He didn't care now. What was done was done. He'd live.

...Right?

_ #$%^&*!_

Pinako went first. She was old. It was her time. She passed peacefully, in her sleep. A good way to go, even though she'd promised she'd go out fighting. Always a good way to go.

Ed was at the funeral, but Winry didn't speak to him. Even their shared grief wasn't enough to make her believe him. Only Al stood by Ed's side. Everyone else just whispered. Even those in Risembool had heard. Even those in Risembool had their opinions. No one, even those who he'd known since childhood, believed him.

Rose went next. It wasn't meant to happen. A mugging gone wrong. They said it was quick. They said she probably hadn't felt much pain. Ed knew different, though. Rose had felt pain. There was always pain.

Ed was at her funeral, too. The people in Liore had heard, but they didn't care one way or another. It was better there.

Izumi had been sick for years. She died, after suffering for a very long time. Sig followed her soon after, having wasted away with grief.

Ed was there, too. How many funerals would he have to go to before Truth would leave him in piece? And in such a short time period, too!

Al was by his side, of course. Good thing, too, for the people of Dublith spread rumors and believed them almost as badly as Central itself.

Hawkeye did go, eventually. She moved away, to Creta, so she wouldn't have to deal with Mustang anymore, leaving Ed to deal with the bastard who was constantly putting on a show. Even now, he still put on the show. Still a womanizing asshole.

Gracia and Elycia were always kind, but it wasn't much. It wasn't enough.

Ling and Lan Fan were in Xing. They were too far away already. They could not help. It was too far. Besides, Ling was busy with his duties as Emperor.

But it was Al that really destroyed him.

He was caught by terrorists on a train, on his way back from Xing again. The Armored-Soul Alchemist tried to save a little girl. It was too late for alchemy. He shielded her with his own body.

He died slowly, they said. It was painful, they said.

Yet he died smiling. He died proud. He had saved the girl. He died a hero. He died trying to be like his brother.

His last words were said to be, "I love you, brother."

When the retired Fullmetal Alchemist found out, he flew into a rage. Even without his alchemy, he managed to capture all of the terrorists.

Then he killed them, one by one.

And then he was gone.

_ #$%^&*!_

Ed did not sleep for three weeks after Al died. He did not go to Al's funeral. He would not hear the whispers, not when his brother's voice weren't there to keep him calm, to counter the gossip. He stayed in the little house he built for himself in Risembool. He did not eat. He did not sleep. He sat on the floor, leaning against the back of his couch, eyes wide, hardly even blinking.

This was how Al felt when he was trapped in the armor. Al could not eat. Al could not sleep. All he could do was sit and stare at nothing.

If it wasn't for Ed, he wouldn't have lost his body. If it wasn't for Ed, he wouldn't have become a State Alchemist.

If it wasn't for Ed, he wouldn't have died young.

Winry stopped by. She'd heard the news. She'd been at Al's funeral. This was when she realized how unfair she'd been. She realized that Ed was all she had left. Perhaps, in the face of their shared grief, he would forgive her.

Not so. Just as when she did not forgive him when Pinako died, so he did not forgive her when Al died. Equivalent Exchange.

She left, heart heavy with the love she hadn't even realized she still felt for him.

Ed was another story. He knew all too well who he loved, and all the people he loved and trusted were either dead or far, far away. It was too much. In one year- _one year!_- he'd lost everyone. Everyone who'd been on his side. Everyone who'd stood by him. His whole world had fallen to pieces, dissolving the way his Gate had dissolved...

Suddenly, the Fullmetal Alchemist opened his eyes. Something was different. He knew what to do.

Standing on shaky, starved legs, the Fullmetal Alchemist grabbed a pen and a piece of paper. He wrote something down quickly, then set off for the cemetery.

When he got there, he stood before three graves.

The oldest was for Trisha Elric. Next to it was one that read Van Hohenheim. The newest read Alphonse Elric. A family missing one member, a member who was finally prepared to join them in their everlasting sleep.

Ed lovingly placed the note on the ground. Then he stood and clapped his hands together.

For a moment, time stood still. A mischievous laugh could be heard, and a darkly amused voice said, "Yes, Mr. Al-che-mist, your debt has been paid. For your suffering, you regain the use of alchemy. Equivalent Exchange, my friend!"

And the familiar rush of energy occurred, power drawing towards him, crackling and burning, ready to do this alchemist's bidding once more.

With a powerful thrust, Ed shoved his hands to the ground.

Immediately, an earthen spike grew out of the ground, piercing the Fullmetal Alchemist

straight

through

the

heart.

Blood dribbled down the spike. It bubbled out of his throat, out of his mouth, and down to the ground. A few droplets landed on the note. It read:

_I hope you're happy. All of you. Especially you, Roy. Enjoy the fruit of the poisonous tree you've grown. I hope you got what you wanted. __Yes, I did the transmutation on my own. What was it the Truth said? "For your suffering, you regain the use of alchemy"? Yeah, that was it. Well done, all of you. Thanks to you, I got my alchemy back. Thanks to you, I used it to kill myself. Hope the sex was worth it, Roy. Sincerely, the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric_

_ #$%%^&*!_

When Winry came the next day to lay flowers on the graves of her parents, Pinako, and the Elrics, all she could see was that gruesome, horrific sight. The testament to her sins. To the sins of the world. To the sins of Roy Mustang.

The funeral was huge. Everyone mourned their hero, the man who saved them all only to end up with nothing for his efforts.

Roy Mustang was discharged. He was found hanging from the rafters of his apartment. No one attended his funeral.

Winry Rockbell withdrew from the world, into her own grief, her own guilt. She poisoned herself in front of Ed's grave, holding her own note: _I always loved you, and I'll never forget._

Hawkeye didn't hear about the deaths until year later. She took one of her beloved guns and shot herself.

Mustang's old team turned to alcohol, drugs, cutting, etc., to try and avoid the pain. In the end, the only one who didn't die an early death was Fuery, who managed to live out his life as a dogsitter, taking care of Black Hayate and any other dog who came his way until his dying day.

Gracia and Elycia were strong. Elycia grew to understand death far better than any of her peers and became the Life Alchemist, using plants and biological alchemy to help the world the way her big brothers Ed and Al had, the way her big sister Winry had tryed to.

It saddened Ling and Lan Fan, but they soon got over it. They had a country to run, after all.

A statue of the Fullmetal Alchemist was erected in Central City. In fact, one was erected in every city across Amestris.

Edward Elric was a hero once more.

But what did he care? He was six feet under by then, so he let those living bastards reap what they sowed.

And Truth? Truth just laughed. He had given the newspapers the story about Ed and Mustang and then he just let the natures of his little toys do the rest. It worked out perfectly! This was the best entertainment he'd had in centuries! It should tide him over for a couple more.

After all, Truth screws everyone over.

**. . .**

**I'm on crack. Without a doubt.**

**I don't care if you don't think it's a crack fic. I say it's a crack fic; therefore it is a crack fic.**

**Basically everyone died. The end. Kind of like the Hunger Games and Divergent, only shorter.**

**That last line, though... I think it's becoming my catch phrase. Yeesh. Well, too bad. I like it too much to stop using it. Besides, it's true. Truth enjoys playing around with people's lives. We're nothing but TOYS to him!**

**RFF or I will die. (Not really, I just want reviews... please?)**

**I'm sorry. I'm just forcing my depression onto you poor peeps. I'm just... gah. Life and stuff. It sucks sometimes, doesn't it?**

**So yeah.**

**No word of the day today. I just... I can't. I'M WRITING FUCKING CRACK FANFICTION, I CANNOT WRITE A DAMN WORD OF THE DAY!**

**That actually made me feel a bit better. Huh. Okay then.**

**Love ya (maybe... not sure at the moment)! lulu**

**P.S. Roy Mustang is a pedophile.**

**Roy: AM NOT!**

**Me: Yes, you are. Bye everybody!**


End file.
